What separates you from the Amoeba?

Ram Sriram and Vidhya Sriram

This is a reprint of the article that appeared under Culture in Chandamama, U.S. and Canada Edition

In the last issue, I asked the question, “If you were stripped of all of your possessions and status in society, would a stranger still think of you as a good human being?” I directed this question specifically to the young readers of this magazine born in North America and to those who came to the U.S. from India at a very young age. In the article, "Dalai Lama, BMW, and Nike Shoes," we talked about the concerns and conflicts that come with balancing an Indian upbringing at home with a Western culture and expectations outside the home.  We will discuss these issues further and find out how success is measured in our culture and what would make us truly valuable in the society in which we live.

Intuitively, it is obvious to say that Indians and Americans come from vastly different cultures and thus cannot understand the expectations and customs of the other culture. But the interactions between parents and children, friends, siblings and in-laws, are the same in every culture even if the issues surrounding them are different. All parents want their children to succeed and have a decent and comfortable life when they grow up. Almost every community measures success in terms of material wealth and social status. And, for their part, children of all cultures strive to fulfill their parents’ expectations. The perception of difference comes from how we act on the attachments we have to our family and how we fulfill the expectations they have of us.  Thus, the differences between cultures are only as measurable as you wish them to be. It cannot be denied that Indians eat differently, worship Gods that look different, and call different places home. However, we must not confuse culture with preference.

Your culture is something you were born with, something that was given to you at birth and that you had to do nothing to possess. Culture is not something that is preserved by going to the temple or by presenting yourself as the ideal “Indian” Rather your culture is something that exists without you being aware of it. It is a part of how you were raised, how you think about yourself, and who you feel you are in the society you live in. One can preserve their own culture and still embrace others. A Hindu can go to a Church to see how others pray without being a Christian. An Indian who speaks with an American accent is still an Indian by virtue of the culture that he/she was born into. Thus the question of how to live harmoniously within two cultures becomes a matter of perspective and your involvement in minimizing the differences you choose to see.

With regards to how Indians measure “success” it is important to know that every community in the world has worshipped the “Goddess of Success.” All parents in all cultures expect that their children will be the brightest and the best. But it is up to the child to define for oneself what it means to be the brightest and the best. Every parent has the dream that their children will become doctors or graduate from an Ivy League school so that they can live a wealthy life. Neither Indian nor Western religions deride material acquisitions or desires as wrong.

At the same time, because your parents expect you to be the best does not mean that they control your destiny. Your destiny is your own as it has been since the day you were born. Every person has been given the ability to reason and make decisions based on their own preferences. While a parent’s responsibility is to guide a child to a good life, it is the child’s responsibility to define what a good life will be to him or her. I have heard many Indian children complain that their parents want them only to be a doctor or an attorney. It is my point however that it is up to you to take responsibility for what you set out to do with your life despite your parents desires. Free will enables you to do so. Free will also comes with responsibility. It requires you to consider the experience of others along with your own desires. Thus to defy your parents for the sake of defiance keeps you from being open to everything that the world has to offer and consequently from benefiting from everything it has to offer.

A good education, material success, and a comfortable life are very laudable goals. At the same time, success comes with a price. Whether you strive to be a doctor, an artist or a librarian, you need to work hard and deal with the pressures and agony that is inherent in every life, no matter how successful. The objective is balancing your “material successes” with your personal life and to discover the secret of being happy regardless of your stature in life.

What is the secret of being happy? As Bertrand Russell, in his book Conquest of Happiness, says, “human beings know that happiness is out there but do not know how to seek it or find it.” Numerous thinkers, far more learned and insightful than this writer, have sought an answer to the profound question, “What is happiness”. The writings in this column are only a feeble attempt at drawing from the wisdom and knowledge of the great philosophers of this world who examined this question.

All great religions of the world – Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, or Buddhism - ask the individual to seek happiness within oneself. As a first step, recognize that you are an integral part of nature and society as a whole, not a segment of society that differentiates you from others. Gregory Bateson, famous anthropologist, describes this phenomenon succinctly. “What patterns connect the crab to the lobster and the orchid to the primrose and all four to me? And me to you? And all the six of us to the amoeba in one direction and to the backward schizophrenic in another?” Once you recognize that all humans, regardless of our color, caste, or religion, feel pain, sorrow, joy, disappointment and love, it seems foolish to ignore these similarities and still draw distinctions based on origin or wealth. While our cars, home, and jobs may make us feel important, we are no more important than anyone else that inhabits the world. Our beliefs and habits are only preferences but our actions define who we are. Anyone who makes these preferences as reason to elevate themselves above people who are different only succeeds in doing the opposite.

Happiness begins with instilling a basic humility in your thought. Remain aware of your strengths and simultaneously aware of your limitations. In so doing, you realize that your triumphs are not just your own but something that must be shared with others. By becoming aware of your role in the world juxtaposed against how you interact with others, you will realize that life is not an individual’s journey, but rather, the collective journey of a human, an animal, an amoeba and the occasional schizophrenic.