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 Trading places
Monday morning, 5:30
a.m.
I am out of the bed and getting ready to leave for work. I have an 8:30
a.m.
meeting at the Dean’s office. As I was going about my morning chores, I
kept mumbling, “Why should the Dean hold the meeting this early? Will the
university go up in smoke if we meet when everyone is awake?”' I’m always
in a rush. I think about my cousins in India. “Most of them are several
years younger to me and have already taken voluntary retirement, and here I
am still killing myself with work.” My wife, who was also getting ready to
leave for work, heard my whining but did not say anything; but, her
expression said it all. “If you retire and stay home, you will probably
drive me crazy. When you retire, I am moving to the Ramanashram.”
My wife – always there with compassion and understanding.
An hour later, I am
on the commuter train headed in the direction of downtown Atlanta. I get off at my station and
walk out into the huge quadrangle that connects the station with the main
street. The quadrangle, kind of a no-man’s land, is filled in the mornings
by a few homeless people sitting around idly, a Bible preacher calling
everyone sinners, and a few others with no place to go. Most of these
people have no money and no one to care for them and they do not know where
their next meal is going to come from. It is a sad sight, indeed. Although
I see these people everyday on my way to work, there was one person who
attracted my attention every time I passed through the quadrangle.
She is a young
homeless woman, about 30 years of age, perhaps a few years older to my
daughter. She is a triple amputee with both of her legs and one hand lost.
She sits in a wheelchair and her husband, a young man himself, pushes the
wheelchair around. They never bother anyone or ask for money. Regardless, a
few of the office-goers will occasionally stop by, give her a few dollars,
speak a few kind words to her before heading of to their busy days.
Sometimes, one of the office-goers will hand over a lunch bag that he or
she has thoughtfully purchased for her from a local fast food place.
Today, as I passed by
her chair and rushed to my meeting, I could not but ponder, “Is my life
worse than hers? I have a respectable job; a caring family and I am not looking for alms. What am I complaining about?
Sure, the young homeless woman does not have to rush to work or deal with
office politics. If those things are so terrible and if my life is so
miserable, would I be willing to trade places with her?” Obviously, the
answer is a big NO. I walked towards the university, with my head bowed
down in shame and thanking the person above for my blessed life. Although I
have not quit whining, at least that day, my work appeared tolerable.
A few days later, one
of our friends called my wife and me at home. She was very upset and
complained about how unfair her life is and how unhappy she is. “What sin did
I do that God is treating me this way? I am a very religious person; go to
the temple every week without fail; I take care of my family. And see what
I have to go through?”
The problem with her
life was that her daughter, a teenager, would not listen to her; takes off
with her friends in the car, and has done less than exemplary at school.
Our friend continued that because of funding cuts, she has been forced to
accept a new job at a lower salary. “That is a shame,” I said, “But at
least you have another job, don’t you. Your husband has his job; you live
in a good home; own two cars and your entire family is healthy and doing
well. Aren’t they?” She answered in the affirmative. In the spirit of
perspective, I then shared with her the news that one of our common friends
was recently diagnosed with cancer and that, according to her doctors, the
prognosis is not very good.
Would she be willing
to trade places with our friend, the cancer patient, instead of accepting a
job with a lower salary or dealing with a teenage daughter? Without posing
the question, I knew the answer would be again, a big NO. Unlike the mother
of the teenager and me, the homeless triple amputee and the cancer patient
would have had less hesitation trading places with one of us.
Hindu religion says
that gratitude is an important attribute of happiness. If we give up
assuming that our problems are the biggest or the most onerous, we will realise how blessed we are and how grateful we should
be. If we get out of our self-absorption and look around our environment,
we will observe that compared to our own lives, how worse the lives of many
of our fellow beings are. Perhaps, each time we feel that our life is
filled with difficult problems, we should stop and consider which one of
our fellow beings we would like to trade places with so that we no longer
need to deal with our own “miserable” problems.
This is not a morbid
suggestion to compare ourselves to less fortunate ones; merely comparing
ourselves to people with worse problems do not make us morbid nor does such
comparison make us a sanyasi or a liberated soul.
At best, it would help us deal with mundane everyday life with greater
perspective and acceptance.
Dr. Ram S. Sriram (Atlanta)
sriramgsu@gmail.com
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